How to Forgive a Cheating Man

Discovering that the man you love has been intimately involved with someone else is never easy. While others may be trying to convince you to leave your cheating mate, a part of you wants to give him a second chance. This is a decision that only you can make, but first consider if he truly deserves a second chance. Ask yourself, has he done anything like this before? If this is his first offense and you believe that one day you will be able to trust him again, than follow these steps and begin your healing process in forgiving your cheating man.

1) Don’t Dwell – If you dwell on it, you will dwell in it; “it” being the sexual act that was committed by your mate. If you agree to work through the situation, do not bring up old details. Stay busy if you find yourself, during downtime, contemplating about his mistakes. This will only frustrate you and lead to more unanswered questions that he may not want to answer or, you don’t want to hear the answers to. You will find yourself having the same argument over and over again.

2) Don’t Dig – “Digging” is perhaps the most non-productive activity women engage themselves in. If you have recently learned that your man is cheating, don’t “dig” or “search” for more incriminating evidence. If new suspicions begin to arise address them verbally preferably, during a couples counseling session.

3) Talk it out – Wanting to know WHY is natural, but you need to ask WHY in a healthy setting. Couple counseling is beneficial to couples who have experienced issues of infidelity and it can provide you with the answers you need to know in order to successfully move forward.

4) Leave friends and family out of it – Naturally, our family and friends like to protect us from any form of harm. So, of course, they are going to convince you not to forgive your partner. They do not want to see you cry and your confusion makes them uncomfortable. While you may want to tell your friends and family, they are only going to tell you what THEY think is best for you. Their opinions may vary, and you might have someone close to you who is concerned about the preservation of your relationship. Ultimately, in a situation like this it’s best to seek professional advice.

5) It Takes Time- Forgiving a cheating mate is not an easy task. It is NOT something that happens overnight. It is a process and during it, healing and restoration gradually develop. If you continue to go to therapy (never assume that things will work themselves out over time), a level of trust and a sense of commitment will resurface in your relationship. Your mate’s continuous attendance will prove his sincerity and commitment to change. Do new things with your partner and work on the TLC aspect of your relationship.

Its So Hard to Say Goodbye…to Harlem!

The following is an illustration of Harlem in 20 years according to NYC's city planning devision.

According to the New York City Department of Parks and Recreation, Mayor Michael David Bloomberg, has plans to create new open space throughout the city and make neighborhoods more attractive and liveable by implementing the Five Borough Economic Opportunity Plan.

On March 30, 2009, the West Harlem Pier Park was opened for New Yorker’s enjoyment. The park is two-acres of green that connects West Harlem to the Hudson River Greenway and features a docking pier, fishing pier, bicycle and pedestrian paths, public art and landscaped open space.

Deputy Mayor for Economic Development, Robert C. Lieber believes that the new plan will create more jobs for New Yorkers, establish long-term economic growth, and create affordable, attractive neighborhoods.

Harlem’s Pier Park is just one of the many developments that city planning has in store. Others include the expansion on Columbia University’s campus and the restoration of a number of public housing units. Specifically, Lincoln public housing, which is a waterfront property, has already been targeted.

Many Harlem residents have been sedulous in their attemps to end gentrification and have joined groups like the Harlem Tenents Council in their efforts. Harlem gentrification is not a new issue. In fact, the New York Times published an article entitled, “Harlem’s Hedge Against Gentrification” in 1987.

In the article, David N. Dinkins, the Manhattan Borough President condemned a city plan that would allow white construction companies access to 45 empty buildings, while allowing them to construct 900 living units. Mr Dinkins said, “the proposal would only open the way for widespread gentrification of Harlem with no promise of improvement for present residents.”

Below is footage of a Harlem Tenants Council demonstration against Harlem’s deconstruction.