How to Forgive a Cheating Man

29 Jun

zz infedelity

Discovering that the man you love has been intimately involved with someone else is never easy. While others may be trying to convince you to leave your cheating mate, a part of you wants to give him a second chance. This is a decision that only you can make, but first consider if he truly deserves a second chance. Ask yourself, has he done anything like this before? If this is his first offense and you believe that one day you will be able to trust him again, than follow these steps and begin your healing process in forgiving your cheating man.

1) Don’t Dwell – If you dwell on it, you will dwell in it; “it” being the sexual act that was committed by your mate. If you agree to work through the situation, do not bring up old details. Stay busy if you find yourself, during downtime, contemplating about his mistakes. This will only frustrate you and lead to more unanswered questions that he may not want to answer or, you don’t want to hear the answers to. You will find yourself having the same argument over and over again.

2) Don’t Dig – “Digging” is perhaps the most non-productive activity women engage themselves in. If you have recently learned that your man is cheating, don’t “dig” or “search” for more incriminating evidence. If new suspicions begin to arise address them verbally preferably, during a couples counseling session.

3) Talk it out – Wanting to know WHY is natural, but you need to ask WHY in a healthy setting. Couple counseling is beneficial to couples who have experienced issues of infidelity and it can provide you with the answers you need to know in order to successfully move forward.

4) Leave friends and family out of it – Naturally, our family and friends like to protect us from any form of harm. So, of course, they are going to convince you not to forgive your partner. They do not want to see you cry and your confusion makes them uncomfortable. While you may want to tell your friends and family, they are only going to tell you what THEY think is best for you. Their opinions may vary, and you might have someone close to you who is concerned about the preservation of your relationship. Ultimately, in a situation like this it’s best to seek professional advice.

5) It Takes Time- Forgiving a cheating mate is not an easy task. It is NOT something that happens overnight. It is a process and during it, healing and restoration gradually develop. If you continue to go to therapy (never assume that things will work themselves out over time), a level of trust and a sense of commitment will resurface in your relationship. Your mate’s continuous attendance will prove his sincerity and commitment to change. Do new things with your partner and work on the TLC aspect of your relationship.


5 Responses to “How to Forgive a Cheating Man”

  1. sarahscare June 29, 2009 at 8:51 am #

    i can not possible agree to any of this.
    even though the information given is good and informative.

    a cheater can never be forgiven
    i am a firm believer that if they cheat once they will again.
    although i will gladly give advice out to people on cheating and ways to get over it, just as you have done.

    i will always argue the side that they cheated, betrayed trust and can probably never be trusted again.

    i am sorry i just feel no need for cheats.

    • shanamorgan June 29, 2009 at 11:26 pm #

      Well, I’m not saying to forgive. I’m saying if you want to, here’s how. There is a difference. This was an assignment I was given, and these were the most supportive words I could come up with 🙂

  2. sarahscare July 3, 2009 at 12:03 am #

    obviously i understand both sides of the argument, just strongly dislike cheats lol.

    what made you come to wordpress?

    • shanamorgan July 6, 2009 at 5:36 pm #

      My professor thought this would be a good platform for self-publishing, good writing practice, and self-promotion. While her class was only a semester long, I continued to write. I enjoy writing and informing a particular audience. I’m also a freelance writer responsible for paid assignments, which consume the majority of my time. I wish that I could write on WordPress everyday, but I can’t 😦

  3. sarahscare July 8, 2009 at 3:38 pm #

    I sometimes hit and miss, I kind of put my past relationships and issues into some sort of advice for others.
    And if it is something that you enjoy I see no reason for why you shouldn’t continue, is all your pieces about relationships or is that just an issue that you was given?

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